The Clique Thing…

CLIQUE 1

I need someone to explain to me why women remain in a clique of friends even though it’s a toxic environment? Why do they insist in being those relationships when the majority of their time and energy is spent addressing bitchiness, ego stroking and competitions? It baffles me, really?

So these past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that the people around me who are in “The Clique Thing” are constantly being hurt, disappointed and somewhat angry. We can never be perfect friends to each other but I believe there should be a common thread of courtesy, trust,respect and love. Loving someone is about knowing their faults, helping them be better people and also appreciating their strengths.

I can’t understand why there needs to be a competition about cars, jobs, clothes, how we look and even men! Why do you always want to be the Beyonce? What happens when at that particular club – there is no Jay-Z? We will never be the same. We don’t have the same goals. So why do girls feel like they need to be in race to be better than the other. If they spent more time bettering themselves – they would achieve more! There’s a clique of seven young women where two of them seem to have their life in order (I say seem because you only see what they show the public). While the other five are more obsessed with the type of hair they can buy. Now they five are constantly gossiping about how the “successful” two made it.

Another group of women – aged in their mid-forties – also seems to be held together by malicious gossip and

This brought me to question if you are friends, don’t you motivate each other to be better, to do better. Do you not discuss things like career growth, personal and spiritual growth. Do you not share wisdom from some of the lessons you’ve learnt? Do you not encourage each other to set goals; encourage each other to work hard and work smart to achieve those goals? Do you not support each other’s dreams? As friends, do you not motivate when one hits a dead end? Maybe if women focused more these these conversation topics there would be less gossiping, betrayals and bitchniness

CLIQUE 2

Can we as women stop competing with each other???!!!Instead empower each other. You lose nothing from helping another person. For example – I posted last year about three women who inspire in different ways. Two are friends and one was a college mate. The first friend – her strength in spirituality and knowing herself motivated me learn more about me and how I wanted to better myself. The second friend is a trailblazer in the corporate world and her work ethic is admirable. The college mate always has a positive outlook on life and for that changed how I approached life – to concentrate on the goods and not let the negatives overwhelm me into despair.

I’m grateful for the friends I have. Even though they are in cliques – I have individual bonds with them. Relationships are special and help you make sense of life. Can we not take friendships for granted. Let’s remove ourselves from toxic cliques which we remain in just for the sake of having “friends.”

With that said… I’m out!

Love. Faith. Hope.

Being a mother

“So when are you going to be a mother?”

“When is the little one coming?”

And my answer is usually, “Never.” And that’s almost followed by “But why? Don’t you like kids?”

Then I give them the look.

The truth is I’ve come to loathe that question. It’s not that it puts pressure on me to start thinking about starting my own family but hate it because of the manner in which they ask me. I do love children but I’m not in a rush to have my own. At this stage, I’m okay with my family being a two-person unit. It works really well for and him and the aspirations we have for our lives. I’m not against having children. And yes, I’m probably at that stage where most of my peers around are popping babies every now and then.

I’m not a overly zealous career woman however there certain aspects of life that I need to reach before I can feel that I’m responsible to bring another human being into this world. Many have said that the nine months you carry the child prepares for its arriva. However, it’s not always true. I don’t want to have to ask my mother to raise my child the first few years as I struggle to make my mark in the industry I’ve chosen to work in. I don’t want my child to live in a household full of grannies and aunts and no mother and father. And these are my preferences right now. I grew up in a single parent household and it worked for us. My mother gave me everything I needed (sadly not everything I wanted.) However with me, I’d like to have my child when I feel and believe we have matured in our relationship together to be responsible for a little. It definitely won’t be the same as being responsible for each other.

I’ve been judged for my reasoning and it irks me. However I couldn’t care less. Right now, I’m a reporter who’s usually working on location. Travelling to different cities, provinces and I don’t think I could do it being pregnant or having a little baby. I also like to travel with my person and just be the union that is us. And maybe I am just not afraind to admit that I’m not yet emotionally and financially ready to enter that chapter of a woman’s life. People should be allowed to make their decisions without having to explain to the world. This part of life I had to learn too.

Another part of the question that grates my tits is that people hardly put their question into perspective. Apart from having a crazy job, what if we can’t have babies? What if one of us is infertile and the topic of having children is a sore topic for us? What if we tried and succeeded but had a miscarriage. I understand the expectation of society however, we need to grow as a people and refrain from prying into people’s lives. If they let you in then it’s great. If they don’t, so be it. I’ve learnt that if it doesn’t concern me – then there’s no need to enquire further. Let people live.

So… when I become a mom, you won’t be the first to know. And that’s okay.

Beyonce’s reaction tells another story

As Solange attacked her brother-in-law, Jay-Z in an elevator on the night of the Met Gala; Beyonce did not even react to the foolery. In this full clip – you can see Beyonce keep poised and away from the action. But what stood out for me is how she never once looks at her sister or try and calm her down. Instead King Bey talks to her man and leaves with her man.

I don’t owe you anything…

Firstly I should start off with this disclaimer: By no means does this post intend to offend anyone. I’m just expressing my opinion.

So… I was going through my Facebook NewsFeed and stumbled upon a photo of a childhood friend with the cutest baby bump. And naturally I clicked on the comments section so I could send my congratulations. However, I didn’t end up doing that because of the comments that were already there.

This beautiful mother-to-be – who is approximately in her second trimester – was being bombarded by questions from “friends, neighbours and most likely acquaintances demanding to understand why they weren’t informed of this pregancy. STOP THE BUS!!!

I believe in life, everything is on a need to know basis. If you need to know – you’ll most likely know. Also, it is really wrong for someone to cherish the new developments and blessings in their life without having to share with the world? Can we really blame them for not “informing” the masses? Think about it, what will happen now that you know? You’ll post a congratulations and then what?

We are all not the same. We come from different homes, different cultures and different beliefs. There are those of us who share everything with everyone: their successes, their failures, their blessings and shortcomings. And there are others who only share certain things with certain people. I’m the latter. If I were pregnant, I would not feel the need to tell the whole world at first. Why? Frankly because it would come to my mind to post it on Facebook or Twitter; also I think certain things overwhelm you that you’re consumed in the new joy and experience that it simply slips your mind to inform the masses.

I think as a people, we must allow a person to share what they’re comfortable with? This thing of expecting to be included in all aspects of one’s life is irrealistic. No one owes you anything. They especially do not owe you constant updates about their life.

That’s all folks.

How I picked up a stranger at @Rihanna’s concert…

And yes, I took him home with me. And no, it’s not what you think! Here’s the story:

I attended Rihanna’s concert at FNB stadium in Johannesburg on Sunday. I was forced to ride solo – as the promoters, Live Nation and Big Concerts, were not that generous with tickets this time around. I just made friends once I got to Golden Circle.

Short review of the concert: Rihanna was everything I expected. The show was awesome. I knew she’s not the most vocally talented and didn’t expect her to belt out all her tunes without any assistance from backing tracks. She twerked and I loved it! Sang all the right songs and definitely promoted the Unapologetic album. Only complaint, she had too many clothes on. Would have loved to see some skin. The three piece ensemble wasn’t my favourite.

Back to the story of how I picked up a stranger…

After the long walk to the parking, I found myself stuck in the lot due to crazy congestion. So I switched off my engine and turned up my radio and started scripting my story for my radio piece on the show. That was shortly interrupted by a knock on my window. A timid young man asked me if I was heading to Durban as my number plates read: ND. I explained it was a hired car and that I lived here in JHB. Then in his soft voice he says to me:

“I was looking for someone heading to KZN. I don’t have a place to sleep. I’m willing to pay.”

Say what! I looked at this kid’s wrist and he had the golden circle band. So I was like is he crazy. How are you going to go to a concert 600km’s from home and hope to hitch a ride back. I would normally wind up the window and ignore him but there was something in hisbvoice that made me ask him to explain why exactly he was in this position.

“My friends were going to come up. We had planned a trip together then they ditched me last minute saying they didn’t have enough money to come to JHB from Pietermaritzburg. But I had to come to see Rihanna. There was no way I could have missed it.”

His eyes and face light when he mentions Rihanna’s name. And my heart just melted.

“Do you know a bed and breakfast near by where I can sleep then. Just for tonight?”

I knew then that there was no way I could leave this boy here. There is literally nothing but tarred road around Soccer City. It’s a long walk to anywhere and not safe at all. I tell him to get in the car and I can take him to town where we will try to and find something. By the way, I still have to go to work and package my concert review.

Being stuck in the traffic heading out of the stadium precinct, I learnt that his name was Manqoba. He had never left KZN and this was his first concert. He took a taxi from PMB to JHB and found Rea Vaya to the concert. I was sort of proud of his stupid bravery. And when we talked about the concert, his energy and excitement is so contagious, he takes me back to the golden circle.

“Akekho omunye umuntu ongimthandayo okudlula uRihanna. I saved up money to buy the ticket, and travel money. I took a chance and said I will figure out the rest when I get there.”

I knew then and there that I was going to take this boy home. I wasn’t too sure what accommodation we would find in town where he’d be safe. But I didn’t tell him this. We drove to work and googled some places. Told him he couldn’t afford a safe place, so he can go home with me. However, I had to finish my work. I called my lover and updated him (I told him about Manqoba while stuck in the traffic.)

We left the office just after 1am. We called his mom to let her know he was safe. Got home, showed him his room and told him what time to be ready and that I will drop him off at Park Station so he can catch a bus home in the morning. I then passed out.

I woke up around 6.30am to find him ready and sitting quietly on the bed. I showed him the cereals and told him to help himself. I went back for nap for about an hour. I wake up and find Manqoba washing the dishes (they piled up over the weekend). He literally cleaned up my kitchen.

I was shocked.

“It’s the least I could do after what you have done for me.”

Strangely, him washing the dishes was bigger for me than me taking him home. I’m happy that I followed my gut and let him in the car. Couldn’t imagine what he would have gone through if I didn’t. I actually woke up smiling. I’m glad I met him. Something in my heart was touched when he said thank you. And when his mother called to say thank you.

Manqoba is now back home in PMB. He’ll go back to lectures and have an interesting story to tell his friends. I’m glad I’m also able to tell his story as well. And the highlight of our chance meeting was finding a young someone who’s so knowledgeable about the news, it’s essence and purpose. I hope he volunteers in a newsroom to gain experience and maybe after law school follow his true calling of being a journalist.

Thank you Manqoba. Your love drove you to be brave enough to leave your home and venture into the unknown just so you can get what you want. I hope you tackle life with the same vigour. Just plan it out better than this outing.